The stewardess is a spy



I just found this. These are things I wrote when I was working on my thesis show and trying to figure out how to explain what motivates my art and what it is about at it’s essential level. I was able to break it down into a graphic that said this all, but this strikes me now as better. It is good for me to see this right now, I need to wake-up and get away.

Cage that forms/grows around you Not placed there by another

The context and meaning of a place is changed by ones perception

I look especially at personal spaces which contain for me constant but hard to perceive conflict. Where one can feel overwhelmed but then realize that they are in fact surrounded by love and the reverse.

I use my art as a way to explore how I perceive the place in which I exist. And how that perception changes based upon the context in which I am considering it.

Comfort vs confinement

You go to different places and they look the same you keep going to the same place but it looks different

thoughts of being stuck/ caught/ trapped

thoughts of gaining freedom/ escaping

thoughts of safety/ home/ comfort/ gratitude

house- comfort/ safety/ how to reach it/ some fear of it/ a trap?

Cage- how are we trapped/ are we trapped/ do we want to get free? Comfort/ needs fulfilled vs complacency, resignation to place/ immobilizing

Nets – traps to see ourselves in/ appear empty but can see they were/ are occupied

My traps/ cages are invisible but they are there and are of my own manufacture/ imaging

Doors – the unknown/ fear/ craving/ change/ passage/ transformation

I have been working with the ideas of nets and traps and webs and cages and rooms and houses. I like the two-fold meaning of each of these ideas.

Nets can trap you or capture you, but they also can save you from falling or catch something that is slipping away in the water.

Webs capture insects, but they are also the home of the spider and provide them with sustainance.

Cages are used to keep people and animals locked up but they also are homes for many animals and keep them safe from harm.

Rooms can be refuges, private special places where you can be alone among the things you like. But they also become places to hide away, to avoid the world, to shut yourself up.

Homes are places you live and the idea of home carries thoughts of love and comfort and memory. But it also can be like an chain tying you to one place with no way to get free, but it can also be an anchor that keeps you safe when the world is going crazy around you. It is filled with warmth but can also burn.

Everything I Love represents my gratitude toward all the people and places and things in this world that have acted as my safety net or my anchor. So many times these have been the things that have rescued me from my own destructive nature.I love them all dearly but there also is a balance point where it becomes too much and I feel like the anchor is a shackle and the net is a cage. Then I need to escape.

It reflects a constant conflict between the need for safety and comfort of places filled with love through knowledge and the need for freedom and independence and the discover of new loves. The funny part is that these chains and nets are all of my own imagination. They don’t really exist. The people, places, and things, remain (if sometimes only as memory), and I remain as dear to them as they are to me. I never feel held at fault by my need for escape, they know I will always come back when ready.

Time for a little poetry not written by me ’cause I don’t write poetry

may my heart always be open to little…   by e. e. cummings

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it’s sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there’s never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile